Markie/ Sad Days Ahead
My brain is sometimes fried as far as explaining things at night. Succinctly put as far as chatting; I’m a quick typer so you’re getting fast fucking exotic shit but my two hands are busy and I can’t jerk off so it’s not as fun which is why it’s a bit more then phone service. Ok, sweety does that make any sense?
THANKS SO FUCKING MUCH MARKIE YOU’RE SO SWEET
I hope when we do chat I can see you. Ill have to figure out how to record your ass and use it afterwards.
Fuck this morning my fuckdoll gave me a huge scare. She used to hear the slightest noise and move when she rests. I thought she was dead for a moment and my my heart hit the floor. You have no idea how attached I am to her. When I was living with my ex and not doing well I used to nearly cry when the song, “How Will I” (not sure if that’s the title) came on. I thought of him and my cat. I had a dream last night that I was with my father whom I used to be very close with and my dying cat. She looked awful, sweaty and malnourished.
My ex had a cat that died here and it was the most disgusting, painful thing to watch. At the time he was totally strapped so he couldn’t afford $50 dollars to put her down. I would rather jump off a cliff into fire then let my cat suffer like that.
I wish she could tell me if she feels any pain. I wish I can put my finger on whether I should stop my agony a bit quicker and put her down now or wait because she is eating and functioning. I might feel guilty letting go too soon. The most painful thing is when I pick her up she feels that she’s on the verge of death and she feels as if she no longer has a spine. It seems to get worse each time and when she used to be on my lap, she looked at me with such love. That is dying as well. I’m still working to get me thru but I’m not leaving her even to get something to eat nor am I going out until I get over this. I have to tell a neighbor to feed her for important matters that I must go to.